Surprise

I can be dense at times. While this is likely extremely well known and predictable to those who know me best, I just plain forget this truth. Hence the density. Well, this lead to my recent surprise that I could reach out to people that were not directly in front of me, and can can get just as palatable and sensational response as I can from someone in front of me.

Thank you Jesus for bringing some redemption to technology in my life despite how much destruction I have welcomed in through it.

Follow up

So, it didn't take 3 years - that's good. I guess there needs to be an update on me.

Currenlty I'm in a "waking up" phase. Sleeping parts are being awakened. While I know that this is good, it is mighty uncomfortable, different, and damn near hard to keep a hold of. While going-with-the-flow is typically viewed as a positive trait; it has turned into an incapacitating numbness for me at times. What all this process has in store I do not know. This process being God that is.

Part of this is about me looking honestly at what I know and what I believe. My life experiences have provided me a great deal of knowledge - for which I am thankful; however, it has almost become like gnosticism for me in that knowledge becomes that which is most sought. That's not completely true of me, but looking for and accepting knowledge as kept me from seeking reflection, discernment, and challenging my beliefs.

I need prayers. If you're willing to offer those I am grateful to you.
Pray I would develop a heart of prayer; I do not have it and I need it.
Pray I would have the desire to talk to God - a problem (not doing so that is) which has precipitated much of the dilemma in which I find myself.
Pray I would be brave in reaching out to others.
Pray for a safe community of believers both myself and my wife could engage.
Pray I would fight for ground in this process rather than sitting on a hill letting life pass by.
Pray I would do that which I know will be helpful to me despite what it may cost me and how it may receive negative reactions at times.
Pray I would have the courage to no longer live in fear and hiding.
Pray that I can find someone who can hold me accountable in some key areas of my life.

Hello again.

Welp, it's been about 3 years since I've posted. I think this short stint has been, well, I don't know; it's been something. Nonetheless, I'm happy to return to my reflective, creative, comma lovin', cathartic, and partially narcissistic blog of choice.

I hope to build a blog that is built upon honesty, vulnerability, safety, fun, and a little bit of frivolity. Hopefully it won't take me another 3 years to post on this thing!

Adios por ahora.

Questions

Let me just begin with saying that I hate "why" questions. I think they're typically useless because they're too complex and head-centered versus action-centered. Thus I will spill my questions and then come back to revise them later.

Why is anger and hurt so hard to let go of and forgiveness so hard to hold onto?

Why does holding a grudge make me think the other person is affected by it?

Why do I want others whom I feel should be punished to experience the same hurt I feel?

How do I reconcile all of this to the new man inside of me?

On another note:
How is it that generational curses can persist in light of the new covenant? or can they not?

Well, that's about it for now, except please join me in praying that I will get the job I applied for with Region 8 Mental Heath Services and it will work out well. Thanks.

Child development

Growing up, my family played a lot of board games. I mean, we LOVED - and love - board games.

As I think more about, I think the games we played largely shaped the way I formed into who I am now. I reaped what was sown, I guess one could assert.

So, I think the game "Guess Who?" pretty much sums me up. It encompasses my quest for self-discovery, identity instability (maybe), and being an inquisitve and analytical person.

What childhood game do you think shaped you? How?

Ok, I've decided...

I MUST start singing again.

I have just now watched about 4 songs from Broadway musicals online. I now feel like my body is ready to burst with song. Literally, I am physically on edge. I know that I was gifted with musical abilities for a purpose. Social work can not satisfy this. Participating in worship one to two times a week can not satisfy this. I want more. I need more.

I am anxious to see how this is played out.

What do you feel are qualities or drives in you that are intrinsic, undeniable, unsupressable, and calling you to act?

A Mississippi Man

I just realized how much the culture here is affecting me. Over the last couple weeks I have:

Shot 4 different guns in a pasture behind a chicken house. (all pistols: .22, 9mm, .38, and .357), bought a Topsy Turvy, and planted squash, green beans, bell peppers, and hot peppers.

It's official: next week, I'm getting mud flaps.

These mud flaps.